Determining Your Objectives/Setting Expectations

The first step in family court is that you should determine your objectives. Let us say you are going through a divorce. I understand your objective is to get divorced. What I am asking is for you to think about what is important to you within your divorce. There are five main issues that will need to be decided:

1. Custody (Legal Decision Making and Parenting Time)
2. Property and Debt Division
3. Child Support
4. Spousal Maintenance
5. Other issues (marital waste, attorneys fees, etc)

Picture your life after divorce with regards to each and every one of the issues above. Be as detailed as possible. Plan your post divorce budget considering where you will live and work. If you have a transition plan to live with family or friends for a brief period of time, think about what your life will look like when you are done with that transition. Deciding you ideal outcome and what is most important to you prior to filing any paperwork is an excellent place to start when you are representing yourself. Consider coming up with your ideal outcome on each issue and then determining what you could live with for each and every issue. Work with a counselor, mentor of friend to do some serious planning.
 
After you have determined your objectives, it is important to understand that the “process” of getting a divorce or going through any family law matter is not a fast one. Setting your expectations to a realistic place will help you get through the process with your mental health in tact and gives you a better chance of meeting your objectives. Plan for a contested case to take a year or more. This is likely to be one of the most stressful events you will endure. Get a support structure in place in advance to help you through the process.

Contributing Attorney Writer: Billie Tarascio litigates family law and domestic violence cases at Modern Law.